Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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