david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
