Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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