what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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