Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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