I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
