How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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