you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
