New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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