He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
