Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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