Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
