my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
