I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
