I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
