I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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