Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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