The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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