I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
