i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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