it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
