I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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