Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
