Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
