So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
