puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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