I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
