I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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