You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
