so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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