Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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