suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
