I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
