You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
now i know why i became what i already was.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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