i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
