The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
