I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
