after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
