I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
