We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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