Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
