Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
