is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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