so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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