He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't put those talents on a resume
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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