there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my being single is dangerous.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
