Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
