I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
