I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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