does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
last night I used snow as a chaser
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