Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize