My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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