You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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