Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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