he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
