A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
