i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
