He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
