ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Someone shit on the floor
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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