We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
