Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
